So what is it that people traditionally do in order to build rapport? Well, the traditional view is to just be nice to someone, maybe a little complimentary, and then to find common experiences which you can share. Let’s have a look now at the common mistakes that people fall into when they try and build rapport with someone else:

1. The very first thing that people do wrong is they try and be nice to people. I’m not suggesting that you go out there and start being nasty to people or stop being nice. It’s fine to be nice, but only to the extent that it doesn’t break down your ability to share or communicate thoughts, ideas and feelings with someone else. The trouble with being nice is that sometimes people are nice at the expense of the real communication that needs to be happening, which actually then breaks down rapport. It’s stops helping and starts becoming a barrier. So, Be nice only to the extent that it’s not interfering with the process of communicating feelings and ideas with the other person.

2. The second mistake that people with typically make is that of trying too hard. The problem with trying too hard is very much related to being too nice to someone else. If you try to hard you sub-communicate – you send signals out -that you’re desperate; you’re desperate for the company, you’re eager to please. Now, the problem with being desperate is very few people actually like to have desperate people hanging around them. Somehow it makes them feel obligated or under pressure. But, for whatever reason, it actually begins to shut down communications again.

3. Another reason why trying too hard tends to put people off is related to the third common mistake that people make when trying to build rapport. And that’s wanting something from someone else too much. The problem of wanting something too much is seen easily when you think back to a time when you walked into a store and you wanted to buy maybe a stereo or something. The salesman comes up and starts talking to you, but the thing is they get a little bit too pushy.

They want you to buy too much. They want you to like them too much. And because they want something from you; because they’re pushing you too far down the process too quickly, you begin to back off. Now, the solution to this is something called ‘fractionating rapport’. In fractionating rapport, what you’re going to do is you’re going to build a little rapport and then back off. Then you’ll build a little bit more rapport, and back off, a little bit more, back off, a little bit more, and back off.

To be continue

Related posts:

1. 3 Rapport Principles
2. Hypnotize Them and Win Friends
3. Rapport Building Exercises with NLP
4. NLP Eye Movements to Build Instant Rapport
5. Creating a Vision Board